Skip to main content

WORST LOCAL BANDS EVER

Over on Facebook my dislike of certain Twin Cities bands of yore was brought up, so here's my list of the worst local bands I ever had the misfortune of listening to. There is bias in that I have to have actually heard them. Either they were hyped to high heaven by the local media, or they opened up for someone good. Perhaps there were others just as bad, but I was warned away before being exposed to them. In no particular order:


3AM Ralph: This sad excuse for a Top-40 cover band must've had some blackmail-worthy dirt on the booker at the 7th St. Entry, because they played there all the time. If you thought that a cover "I Just Want to Celebrate" couldn't sound any worse than the original, you would be wrong. At least they were aptly named.

Deformo: Want to listen to Jerry Lewis torturing a cat? Then this band's vocalist would be the one for you. Warning: he also records as King of France.

Cat's Laughing: When I was young, I had a less keen ability to avoid sub-Grateful-Dead jam bands than I do now. Has there ever been a good band made up of authors? They're always just a little bit unbalanced on the lyrics side of music-and-lyrics. Thanks to their friends in the literary community, a whole imaginary world was created where Cat's Laughing was massively popular. I go there in my nightmares sometimes.

Sh*t Fi: Another band that had to have blackmail material on someone to play as much as they did. Lovers of melody might think that a noise band couldn't be said to play well or badly, but Sh*t Fi proves them wrong. Using entries from their 8-grade diary as lyrics doesn't exactly help, either.

Pablo: Back in the day I used to go to this midnight open mike to see what weird stuff would turn up. Pablo would be usually be there to mar the experience for me. Acoustic-guitar-slinging singer-songwriters are bad enough, but Pablo did not seem to grasp the basic concept that the words had to match with the music somehow. He kept squeezing in more of his brilliant lyrical gems than could actually fit into the song, as if he just couldn't bear to cut any of them out (see below for the same syndrome). I vaguely remember some interminable song about two couples named John & John and Kate & Kate (or something like that) and their many, many adventures. Sort of like a song for small children, except kids' musicians know you actually have to write catchy tunes to keep your audience interested.

The Hold Steady: I won't bore you with this again, but I just wanted to quote the lyrics that Sasha Frere-Jones used to demonstrate their heart-stopping genius:

"We spent the night last night in Beverly Hills. There was this chick that looked like Beverly Sills. We got killed."

Omigod, someone tell Kay Ryan to give it up. There's a new poet laureate in town!


Comments

ctrl-s said…
I saw most of those, and they scarred me, but not Cats Laughing. Wow, do they sound vile.

What is your opinion of Neil Gaiman? I keep reading about him but I've never read anything of his. I don't think I would like it.

Popular posts from this blog

TOP TEN LIPSYNCH FOR YOUR LIFE SONGS FOR A DRAG KING EQUIVALENT OF RUPAUL'S DRAG RACE

 The Advocate has suggested that the greatest (i.e. only good) reality show ever, Rupaul's Drag Race , have a drag king contestant.  That's fine, but it would be much more entertaining to have a whole drag king competition. One of the best parts of Drag Race is seeing all the different types of queens compete: beauty queens, funny queens, conceptual queens, androgynous queens, scary queens, singing and dancing queens.  I want to see punk kings, gangsta rap kings, cock-rocking metal kings, panty-dropping R & B kings, country kings, baggy-pants burlesque comic kings, and of course, Elvis. I picked out some songs that make me think of different aspects of masculinity:  swaggering men, heartbroken men, lustful men, romantic men, philosophical men, and suicidally depressed men (interesting fact: I can think of dozens of songs by men about suicide, but only one female one: "Gloomy Sunday". What's up with that?) "That's Life" - Frank Sinatra

Things I Learned in 2020

Well, this has been quite a year, yessiree bob. But I’m being thankful right now of what I have and how my powers of Super-Introversion were activated by the current crisis as a laser-focus on learning stuff. Not that there weren’t many long hours of being too tired and paralyzed to move from the couch to the bed and vice-versa. And dusting and many other cleaning activities that didn’t aid in bodily sanitation were left by the wayside. Anyway, I hope that you too can make a list of things that you learned other than the details of the Electoral College.  How to make quick pasta sauce with canned tomatoes How to make instant oatmeal How to make creamed spinach Basic ASL Basic Inkscape Video conferencing with Zoom/Teams/Webex/Meet/Jitsi How to make ink-jet Shrinky Dinks Basic screencasting with Screen-Cast-O-Matic and Camtasia Online training creation with Niche Academy Online playlist transfer with Soundiiz Mask making Cuttlebone casting Intermediate Tinkercad Slide digitization Basic

WOMEN IN, ON AND AROUND FILM

Over at the Bitch Blog , they were talking about female movie directors, so I had to make sure psychotronic faves like Stephanie Rothman and Doris Wishman were given their due. I hadn't known that one of my favorite female badasses, the Kill-Bill -influencing Dag from Bury Me An Angel (introduced to me by Dr. S ), was also a woman director's creation (should've known). Then I put in a word for the woman who started me on my movie-obsessed path, the fabulous Pauline Kael . She taught me to own my loves and hates and call 'em as I see 'em. Maybe some people wouldn't consider her a feminist icon because she didn't always like the "right" movies, but read her review of Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore for some keen feminist insight. She totally terrified those guys in the movie boys' club. I mean, George Lucas named the villain in Willow after her! Here's Kael on the New Testament: Pasolini's The Gospel According To St. Mathew