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BAD, BAD LYRICS

My bro-in-law posted this article on Facebook, which got me to thinking of some horrible rock lyrics to which I have been subjected. Ah, memories . . .

"Psycho", Puddle of Mudd:

She lays down on the fresh lawn 
She can make everything magical 
But she tied one on big time 
And it makes me want to rewind

My sweetie heard this when checking out the local metal station to see what's new. You may need to listen to the music to get the full effect. It's like a not-very-bright record executive trying to reverse-engineer Nirvana on his lunch break,


"If I Had $1000000", Barenaked Ladies

And if I had a million dollars 
(If I had a million dollars)
Well, I'd buy you a K-Car 
(A nice Reliant automobile) 
And if I had a million dollars I'd buy your love
I went into a Jimmy John's once and the staff had this cranked up to 11 like it was Megadeth or something and they were trying to sing along. Trying, because it's not really a song, just a random list of things with perky folk-pop accompaniment. Hey guys, if you are trying to do the funny/clever song thing, you have to actually write a song and be, y'know, clever.


And who can forget this classic, still beloved by Brueggers everywhere:

"What I Am", Edie Brickell

Chuck me in the shallow water 
Before I get too deep
What I am is what I am are you what you are or what 
What I am is what I am are you what you are or what

I'll throw you in the water, you stupid hippie. It sounded better when Popeye used to say it.


Sorry, I can't forget this one:


"The Swish", The Hold Steady

Pills and powders baby. powders and pills. 
We spent the night last night in Beverly Hills. 
There was this chick that looked like Beverly Sills. 
We got killed

Now when I was 12 I thought the whole Beverly Hills/Beverly Sills thing was funny, but I didn't know that if I inserted it randomly into a song I'd be acclaimed as a genius in the New YorkerHere is where Sasha Frere-Jones admits that their music is derivative and Craig Finn can't sing, but the lyrics above prove the Hold Steady's genius. I'm supposed to like them why now? Isn't it a little late in the day to be all swoony because a rocker has him a little book learnin'?


A friend of the aforementioned brother-in-law mentioned the Stone Temple Pilots, but I've successfully wiped them from my memory and refuse to relive the trauma.


Some more real doozies are posted here. What are some of your favorites?

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