Skip to main content

POP MATTERS LIST OF BEST MOVIE HITMEN IS SADLY LACKING



This is one of those lists that somebody probably took about 10 minutes working on, tops. I mean, if you are going to call it "The 10 Greatest Movie Hitmen of All Time", why nothing before the 70s? "Oh, gee, Jfro, I'd have to actually get This Gun For Hire from Netflix, that sounds like work," I mean, it's the ur-example, it's even in the title. Notice the way Alan Ladd's character couldn't care less about the people he kills, but shows affection to children and animals, suggesting childhood trauma. Then remember the guy from Leon (plant, child), Ghost Dog (pigeons, child), Le Samourai (bird). C'mon! If it's not a trope, it should be. 


The last two would be on my list as well, Ghost Dog for Forest Whitaker's awesome performance (whether Jim Jarmusch should be allowed to direct action movies is another question) and  Le Samourai because well, Jean-Pierre Melville and Alain Delon. Not to mention, influencing The Killer sufficiently that Thomas Weisser calls it a remake (it's not--Chow Yun-Fat's character has enough social skills to male-bond heroically in the John Woo fashion--but there are definite similarities). I have to add Goro Handa from Branded To Kill, because he literally goes mad from trying to become the no. 1 hitman in Japan and kills somebody through a sink drainpipe, and also Seijun Suzuki pulled out every stop to make the movie as insanely fabulous as possible.


The author of the Pop Matters article was so lazy he couldn't be bothered to find 10 movies actually about hitmen. There are enough, really. The Bride from Kill Bill is a former assassin we never see kill any one for money (not revenge--revenge movies are a whole other animal), Jason Bourne is an all-purpose super-spy, and Clemenza is in The Godfather for how many minutes? James MacAvoy was fine in Wanted, but the movie didn't really stay in my mind other than the bending-bullets thing. 

An honorable mention goes to the character of Crying Freeman, whose best incarnation was a video anime series, so he doesn't really count (I haven't seen 2 of the 3 movies based on the manga, Killer's Romance was pretty good but not top 10 material).  I just love the concept. He's a world-famous ceramic artist! Who get brainwashed by Chinese gangsters and forced to kill people! But he cries about it! And then he meets a beautiful girl! But he has to kill her! But then she becomes his girlfriend/partner in crime instead! And then they take over the gang! And get matching full-body tattoos! And run around naked a lot!  Ah, the mind of Kazuo Koike .  .  . 


Who's on your hit list? 



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

TOP TEN LIPSYNCH FOR YOUR LIFE SONGS FOR A DRAG KING EQUIVALENT OF RUPAUL'S DRAG RACE

 The Advocate has suggested that the greatest (i.e. only good) reality show ever, Rupaul's Drag Race , have a drag king contestant.  That's fine, but it would be much more entertaining to have a whole drag king competition. One of the best parts of Drag Race is seeing all the different types of queens compete: beauty queens, funny queens, conceptual queens, androgynous queens, scary queens, singing and dancing queens.  I want to see punk kings, gangsta rap kings, cock-rocking metal kings, panty-dropping R & B kings, country kings, baggy-pants burlesque comic kings, and of course, Elvis. I picked out some songs that make me think of different aspects of masculinity:  swaggering men, heartbroken men, lustful men, romantic men, philosophical men, and suicidally depressed men (interesting fact: I can think of dozens of songs by men about suicide, but only one female one: "Gloomy Sunday". What's up with that?) "That's Life" - Frank Sinatra...

TOP MUSIC GENRES FOR YOUR CYBERPUNK GAME

So I guess cyberpunk is hot again. I don't play those newfangled video games, but all this fanfare made me remember my old Cyberpunk 2020 days, when I was Jael Furoshiki, Japanese/Jewish survivor of of a destroyed South China Sea pirate pack trying to make a living in the Minneapolis Red Zone as a bodyguard/food delivery technician (yes, both a pirate and an ninja).  Later she got ported to Interface Zero , which got rid of some of the anachronisms and C2020's crazy-high fatality rate (there used to be a page dedicated to players' favorite deceased characters, sadly now lost to even the Wayback Machine). Anyway, one time I made up musical genres my character would listen to--can't find my old character sheets, but this gives you the idea... TOP MUSIC GENRES FOR YOUR CYBERPUNK GAME: Cambo-Punk Robo-Funk Post-post-post-post-post Punk Really New Wave Black Klezmetal Danish RaiZulu Techno-Jive Country & Western & Gabber Lo-NRG Goan Garage Garage...

STILL HATING ON MONTHLY SUBSCRIPTIONS

Jason had an insightful post on newspapers in the Internet Age on his blog wherein he suggested we donate to keep the watchdogs of the press going. In an aside, he mentioned subscriptions for music: To be honest, it's the same thing with music downloads. I've been screaming for monthly subscriptions for years now, and they're still not here. (At least not on the scale of an iTunes or Amazon.) Of course, I had to respond. Jason: I'm sorry to hear you've been screaming for years--you must be very hoarse. I believe the service you're looking for is called Rhapsody . I don't know what counts as "the same scale", but they have ads on TV. I don't know why anyone would pay $12.99/month to rent music, though. I want to own my music, I don't want some company to be able to take my access away or jack up the price at a whim. Rhapsody's main market must be people who don't own much music, have a lot of electronic devices but no interest in l...