Monday, March 31, 2008

DEAR ROCK STAR . . .

Over at the Chunklet Blog, they're making a little list:

We're coming up with a list called "Dear Rock Star" for the next issue which is a list in question form asking an artist/band why they did one stupid thing or another.

Here's a few examples:

"Dear REM, Why did it take you 14 years to figure out that people wanted you to shut up and rock?"

"Dear Bob Mould, why do you insist on DJing without a shirt on? You have ex-fat guy skinny guy belly."

"Dear Juno Soundtrack, why did you make the world a place where I can't escape the childish out-of-tune ramblings of the Moldy Peaches?"
Of course, I had to weigh in:

Dear Robert Pollard, I love you, but why the English accent? Have some Midwestern pride, for chrissakes! Your "A's" should be as flat as the Ohio Valley and your "R's" should be hit as hard as a punch in the face from William Howard Taft.

Dear Stephen Malkmus and Lou Barlow, Why do you play live when you obviously don't enjoy it? It makes Jesus cry.

Dear Craig Finn: I'm sorry you got a B- for your stories in Creative Writing 101, but reading them in front of a Bruce Springteen cover band doesn't make them any better.


PS. I know it might seem like I spend all my online time at Chunklet and Name That Film, but I really don't. They just trigger an impulse to opinionate all over the place. For example, I've recently discovered Post-Apocalypse, a whole site chock-full of post-apocalyptic awesomeness. I just hope that someday the Twin Cities will have a party like this.



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Now playing: The Melvins - Eye Flys
via FoxyTunes

Sunday, March 30, 2008

WELCOME TO BADASSJFRO.COM!

For improved "branding", this blog's URL is now www.badassjfro.com. As that is my "street name ", I was determined that no one else should have this precious domain, especially when I found this article via Librarian in Black and discovered I could have it for only $10 a month. So, update your bookmarks, but it should still redirect from ash966.blogspot.com.

For those of you who don't know the story of my street name, it all started with a woman Dr. S and I saw on the bus. She was wearing a trucker hat over unruly long red hair, a satin baseball jacket, and a t-shirt with the word "Princess" on it in big, glittery, cursive letters. She was sitting in the nutjob seat (across from the driver) monologuing about various issues, when she said, "My name is ___, but my street name is Princess." After she got off the bus, a man in a dapper brown 70s-style three-piece suit, hat, and cane sat down in her seat. He then complained loudly for 10 minutes or so about the smell she allegedly left behind, but I suspect "he who smelt it dealt it."

Anyway, the next week Dr. S and I discussed what my street name should be, and Bad Ass Jfro what what we finally came up with. It rolls trippingly of the tongue, don't you think? T-shirts are available at reasonable prices.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

OVERRATED MOVIES

This is from yet another Name That Film discussion. When it comes to movies, I am full of . . . opinions.



American Beauty: A re-hash of warmed-over 60s ideas. Suburbs bad! Teenagers good! Military men insane! About as deep as "Pleasant Valley Sunday".

I also hated Lost in Translation, but it could be just watching people who are miserable because they got a free trip to Japan burns my ass.

Anything by the British Art School club: Sally Potter, Peter Greenaway, Derek Jarman, and Ken Russell (except for Lair of the White Worm). These movies would be OK for 10 minutes at a time in an art gallery, but not for 2 hours. Caravaggio was just agonizing. Oh look, the Pope has a digital watch! That must symbolize something!

Betty Blue, Breaking the Waves, King of Hearts, and any other arty mental-illness-exploitation movie. If it doesn't resemble any mental illness anyone has ever seen outside of a movie, it isn't any good. This goes for terminal illnesses as well.

The Mystery of Kasper Hauser, Apocalypto
, and any movie with the theme: nature good, civilization bad. If civilization is so bad, why are you making a movie about it? Shouldn't you be out in the woods whittling something?

Crappy Hollywood studio product doesn't bother me as much as critically-acclaimed arty crap. I usually know better than to see some stinky blockbuster, but bad arty movies insist on their own importance. Unfair, perhaps, but true.




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Now playing: aztec camera - jump
via FoxyTunes

Sunday, March 02, 2008

THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT


The Hives
Originally uploaded by britrockatthetop


I remember back in the late 80's some proto-grunge guy from the college radio station mocked me for going to see the Godfathers. "They wear matching suits!" he scoffed. That was before Urge Overkill made it cool again. I like a band that wears matching outfits, it shows that they are making an effort to entertain me. It doesn't make a crappy band sound good, and it doesn't fit every band -- Guided By Voices' whole thing was "we're regular guys", so they wore regular-guy clothes, but they still busted their asses for the ticket-buying public.

The Hives are like that--they did everything possible to get the crowd going last Thursday at First Avenue. They reminded me a lot of the Godfathers, what with the suits and the 60s-style garage rock. The main dig against them is that they aren't original, but if, like me, you can't resist the primal lure of garage rock, originality doesn't really matter. If I'm offered a mouth-watering slice of cheesecake, what do I care if someone else make a similar one 40 years ago? That one guy from the Monks died, so I'll probably never see them live. Give the Hives credit, though, not many garage rock bands had more than one good single (there's a reason why the most famous garage rock record is Nuggets), and they've had three albums chock full of catchy songs. Most of the 80s garage rockers like the Fleshtones and Joe "King" Carrasco and the Crowns killed live, but their albums were pale reflections except for one or two songs.

Now, if only The Hellacopters and the Nomads will come to town, for the Swedish garage rock trifecta . . .



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Now playing: Hermano - Letters from Madrid
via FoxyTunes