Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Why yes, I do like playing Centipede, thankyouverymuch

I was in one of my videogame-playing moods, the other day (for some reason when I don't feel well enough to concentrate on a book or movie I can still play video games), and the thought came to me: I like to destroy stylized things, but I wouldn't like to kill realistic centipedes, space invaders, blue ghosts, or play with realistic concrete blocks. The stylization makes the game experience better for me, it's not just some nostalgia for 80's arcade games. I enjoy when new versions of these games come with cool cartoony graphics, but I don't understand the importance of a realistic environment in gaming. How does it make the gameplay any better? Games are too realistic now. Look at the Sims. I can't even keep a plant alive, but I'm supposed to make sure a virtual person goes to the bathroom? If I wanted to do that, I wouldn't have "forgotten" to have children.

I'm going to start my own MMORPG, The World of Tikktaaktow. It's just like Tic-Tac-Toe, except it's in 3-D, you can play as over 100 mythological creatures, dress them in the costumes of 500 nations and cultures, you have to play in a horde of 100 people for it to be any fun, and you lose immediately for the first 100 hours you play. I'll make millions, I tell you! Millions!

The funny thing is, the other big hot game lately is poker. What could be more stylized than pieces of paper with crudely-drawn pictures of kings and queens on them? Maybe they'll be a new video version of poker where the kings and queens leap off the cards in 3-D form and pummel your opponent's cards when you win a hand.

No comments: