Sunday, August 31, 2008

MORE SIGNS YOU ARE IN A POST-APOCALYPTIC MOVIE




Here are some more signs you are in a post-apocalyptic movie from the gang at Name That Film:

11. Someone always has an eye-patch. [1]
12. The use of seatbelts is decidedly not in fashion. [2]
13. The sky is a strange colour , usually red. [3]
14. Mode of transport if not # 4 is either futuristic or horse and cart. [3]
15 We only see what happens in America or America is the default saviour of the world. [3]
16. There just happens to be one person who knows how to save mankind. [3]
17. It helps if you ride on top of the bus or just stand up in a convertible. [4]
18. Also, somehow the place to be is the Junkyard/Quarry. [4]
19. Your grooming hasn't suffered as much as one would expect. [5]
20. You feel an uncontrollable urge to beat Kevin Costner to a lifeless pulp. [6]
21. Canned goods have a shelf life of 25 years. [6]
22. Everyone has surprisingly good teeth. [6]
23. Why are we in a desert??? [6]
24. You find an ancient cave drawing, incription in a leather bound tome, a carved figure in a deserted ruin, or even a 100 year old dust covered portrait that suspiciously happen to look exactly like you. (this may also apply to time travel movies) (or you may be a vampire). [7]
25. You have a chainsaw for a hand. [7]
26. Giant scorpions and man eating cockroaches abound. [7]
27. A little robot boxes up all the trash and stores them in giant edifices. [8]
28. 8 Skeins of Danger: sends you a note: "Hi, I'm an admin for a group called APES SHALL RULE US ALL" . [6]
29. You live in a castle with a dragon alarm and fire sprinklers rated at 4000 degrees Centigrade. [7]
30. Cannibals... doooooon't forget the cannibals. [9]
31. Dennis Hopper has set up some kind of evil fool's paradise that will be overrrun and/or blown up in the end. [9]
32. A prominant American landmark is sticking out of the sand when you go to the beach. [9]
33. Somewhere, underground the mutant descendents of 20th century earth are worshipping the last functioning "doomsday device." [9]
34. You hear Don LaFontaine. You don't see him...just hear him. [5]
35. Being unable to voice actual words is not necessarily an obstacle to social climbing. [2]
36. The veil of the temple will be rent in twain before we see the sign of the manifest flying beast head in the sky. [6]
37. Fingerless gloves are fashionable. Villains, their goons and other assorted hoodlums favour studded leather, Downtrodden proletariat hobo scum wear woollen or cloth. The chief villain is likely to only wear one. [13]
37b. . . .unless you live within the hermetically sealed bubble city, in which case you probably wear a diaphanous toga and a chrome headband. [7]
38. Any time machine you may encounter will only transport you to Los Angeles in the year the film was made no matter how hard you try to get it to go somewhere more interesting. [13]
39. You live in a cage underground and are repeatedly subjected to medical and/or time travel experiments. [9]
40. Michael Caine sits down with you and advances the plot through expository dialogue (true of any film these days, actually) [9]
41. The Humans Are Dead. (Affirmative. I poked one. It was dead). [9]
42. Whenever someone dies, their body is put through the Juicinator and cold filtered to reclaim their precious waters. [7]
43. You get upset when pig crap tops $100 a barrel. [7]
44. There is a guy with some major physical deformities, living in a hidden location, that you can take any mechanical junk to, and he will tell you what it was before the apocalypse. Use his talents wisely as he will be killed shortly after you meet him. [10]
45. You can hear my inner monologue. [5]
46. I notice very important things off in the distance. So very far away.... [5]
47. Two words - Toaster Ovens. [4]
48. Your computer operating system is DOS with graphics by ATARI. [7]
49. Effete, transhuman immortals enslave humanity, but become consumed with ennui and yearn for death. [11]
50. Sean Connery appears in a red diaper and shoots them. [11]
51. Some gofer with weird hair always serves the main villain. [12]
52. Everyone is a cannibal, except for you, your son, and the grizzled old man whom you meet on the road to exchange pithy comments with. [9]
53. You've been captured by a primative tribe of pre-teens who poke at you with sharp sticks and spend a lot time on their headscarves and facepaint. [9]
54. The sudden discovery of a single small plant sprouting from the wasteland announces to everyone that everything's going to be all right again. [9]
55. You stumble onto an abandoned military base and discover a stash of miraculously still-functioning harrier jets that you teach yourself to fly in a week. [9]
56. Two words: "Thunder Dome." [9]
57. Sean is watching your movie. [2]


[1]. R. Cranium [2]. Sean's Jawns [3]. Hytam2 [4]. Onibabah [5]. Sidewalk Story[6]. Pere Ubu [7]. Phrank the Creatch [8]. Oh! NoNo Joe! [9]. Bswise [10]. Skipper Bartlett [11]. Mr Bali Hai [12]. Herbynow [13]. The Junk Monkey






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